today, i felt like i was 20 years old
i drank and it was against the law
and i asked a bunch of questions because i needed helpt to figure it out
my mother called at the end of the day to see where i was
i got by with only twenty dollars
i was the youngest in a crowd
i thought about love and how great it would be
i kissed my best friends
i cried over an older boy
my body looks young
i thought about what i should major in
i smoked and it was against the law
my mother got mad at me for forgetting to do something
i had to tell someone i was mad at the them and i did it very poorly
i ate too much
i walked alone very long in the mountains at night
i had to sneak out of my house
i felt young.
i felt a huge privilege in the inconveniences of being 20 years old.
i guess i would just like to make sure i stay mindful and notice where change is needed. to remember that even subtle changes take time and big changes hurt and seem to not take that much time at all. i want to do the things i need to do when they need to be done and not waste an ounce of energy on conveying that to anyone else but me. i want to feel my change deep inside, when it happens, and keep it for myself. i want to feel impulsive optimism for myself and be more graceful when I’m in the presence of people, which i find involves genuine substance and a real contentment in oneself. i will find peace and rejoice in the yin and yang. i will try to remember love light and life and give gratitude and dance, sing, and praise. and take care of myself like I’ve never taken care of myself before so i can renew my compassion and love.